The start of Tinder

Oh my goodness… it has been over 2 months since I have written… yikes! So, we left off with a move to a small town…you are probably beginning to wonder when the Tinder stories kick in… well, this is it…this is where my Tinder life really started! (Oh, except for the time I tried it out when I was still with the boyfriend, just before we broke up!)

When I first arrived, friends of mine asked if they could set me up on dates.  Given my last couple of experiences with men, I was more than willing, thinking it couldn’t get any worse.  I expect you to think I am about to write ‘It could!’  However, I wouldn’t know… said friends never introduced me or set me up with any men!  Sure, I met their friends who were all really nice… and married…with kids…! So, I had no other choice (yes, I was completely forced into it!) but to turn to Tinder.

I set up my profile using Facebook.  For those of you who have been lucky enough to never have the pleasure of Tinder, this is how it works.  Your account is linked to your Facebook and so you can use photos which are on there (so my first couple of photos were my last profile pictures).  You then set your distance (Max is 160km) and choose if you would like to see men, women or both.  You can adjust your age slider to choose the ages of people you would like to see, it goes from 18 up to 55+.  So, once you have set it all up, people then come up on your screen and you can begin the shallow judging!  Looking at peoples photos and occasionally reading their little blurb (if they have one), you can decide if you want to swipe right and ‘like’ them, swipe left and show you are ‘not interested’ or if you really like them you can swipe up to ‘Super Like’ them.  Then the waiting game ensues, if someone you have ‘liked’ or ‘super liked’ likes you back, you match!  And then the fun starts…

So, I set up MY account, 160km, between the age range of 30 and 45.  There was a lot of swiping left and only a few swipes right.  I say a lot, it wasn’t that many…I mean I was impressed that there were people on Tinder at all in such a small place, but it was still limited.  Of the people I matched with, was a guy called Tyler.  He was American, not here for long.  We chatted for a bit and he seemed like an OK guy.  At this point, I had never met up with anyone from Tinder and had only heard one success story… the rest?  Horror stories!

Anyway, he asked if I was free that evening for a drink and I thought, fuck it, what’s the point of being on Tinder and chatting to people if I never meet up with them?  So, I sent a friend a message to let her know where I was going. just in case!  And off I went to meet Tyler.  He was just finishing his dinner when I arrived.  He ordered me a Gin & Tonic and we started chatting.  The initial hello was a little bit awkward but we quickly skipped over it and got into interests, what we were both doing in a small place like this and it became less weird.

Now, although it wasn’t too awkward and he seemed like a nice guy, I still wasn’t sure about him.  Firstly, my judgmental self noticed that he didn’t look as good in real-life as he did on his Tinder profile…and secondly, he seemed a bit full of himself!  Anyway, we moved onto the terrace at the hotel he was staying at and continued with our conversation through the noise of a very loud British guy on a Skype or FaceTime call at a nearby table.  He was clearly pissed.  When he finished his call, he came over and asked if we minded if he joined us.  Before we could even answer, he had sat down and ordered another glass of wine.  Tyler and I exchanged looks that made me believe we were on the same page, we did not want this guy here.  We put up with him a while longer and as I was almost finished my drink, I literally had two mouthfuls left, Tyler announced that he was going up to his room to bed!  I couldn’t believe this guy was going to leave me on my own with this drunk guy!  So, he left, I quickly finished my drink and headed out to my car.

A message… ‘I’m in room *** if you want to come for another drink’.  I’m not stupid and naive, I know ‘another drink’ did not mean another drink and I know he didn’t deserve ‘another drink’ after behaving like such a douche and leaving me on my own when he could’ve waited for me to finish my drink!  Even as I sit here and write this, I am thinking, why the hell did I go up there?  And, I don’t know the answer… loneliness?  Boredom?  Horniness? Haha! Lack of self respect?  I don’t know but for whatever reason… I went!

I went upstairs and knocked on his door, we chatted for a bit and then he made his move.  Pulled me onto the bed and started to kiss me – well, at least I THINK that was what he was trying to do!  There was tongue everywhere, it was sloppy and the most unsensual (is that even a word?) thing I have ever experienced! Ewwwwwwwww!  It wasn’t all bad, his hands weren’t too useless – if you know what I mean!

After declining an invite to stay over, I said my goodbyes, adding that maybe we would see each other the next day or something (Funny enough, I didn’t see him again, I can’t imagine why!)  I made my way back to the car with my tail between my legs!   Surely it could only get better?

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The Next Chapter

After my disappointing episode, I was left feeling, well, disappointed… but then it got worse!  I had met a guy when I first got to this little town – who was actually dating my friend.  He was a nice guy, totally not my type and I wasn’t attracted to him in any way.  He was funny and fun but he just wasn’t for me, and even if he was, my friend was having a thing with him.  Anyway, we had banter and flirted a bit and when my friend left, this guy seemed to get friendlier?!

He made little comments which I took as jokes but then there seemed to be an element of truth to them.

‘We should sleep together….’

‘Why?  We’re friends…’

‘Yeah, you wouldn’t anyway!’

Nothing happened with this guy except more flirting and a couple of drinks in my flat and lots of story telling, and although I considered him a good friend, he disappointed me.  Yes, the other girl had left, with no chance of them ever being a ‘thing’ but I was one of her closest friends!!! I just didn’t get guys! Were there any good guys out there? I couldn’t find them!  Anyway, it was time to leave that small town with 0 men and head to another small town… Possibility of friends, 100%! Possibility of men? Maybe 50% if I’m lucky… who knows?

Temptation…

It’s been a while… life kinda got in the way, plus, I kinda left you on a cliffhanger… needed to get maximum effect! Haha!

So, where were we?  Ah, temptation…So, there I was trying to be good when one night a text from a co-worker prodded my inner devil!

I had been on a rather unsuccessful night out with my friend, everywhere was dead!  In an attempt to find somewhere to go, I sent a text to a couple of people to find out if they were out and where.  No reply… Which is just as well as said friend and I ended up having the best time, singing in the car and then going to the local nightclub and dancing the night away.  2am, bedtime.  Just as I crawled into bed my phone went…

‘Yes, we were out, but just got home.’  (Said co-worker) We shared some stories from the night and then the conversation turned to, ‘Shall I come and give you a massage?’  I was caught off-guard – this guy had never shown any interest before and I definitely hadn’t shown any interest.  However, remember when I said my standards dropped to base camp? Well, this is when it started! (If i could insert the embarrassed emoji here, I would!)

So, much flirting went on… I didn’t get that massage but the next morning, I woke up to another message… He needed help with something in bed before he went for a shower.  I got a massage that morning…

I don’t know what’s worse – the fact that he sent those messages – or the fact that it worked!!! (I would like to add a reminder here – really long relationship, newly single, having fun…)  Anyway, so a couple more messages went back and forward, didn’t really talk much outside of the texting and when we met up, a little awkward but we didn’t see much of each other at work anyway!

So, one night, he came over.  ‘I don’t want to have sex with you’ (we hadn’t had sex at this point) ‘I feel bad.’  Obviously for him, there were no feelings involved and this was just about a hook-up.  Totally fine with me, SO not boyfriend material, even in my base-camp situation!  After trying to explain that sometimes girls just want sex too, he still didn’t want it.  Fair enough!  I was pretty sure that was that and we would probably not be together again…

I was wrong… a couple of days later – after sending some sexts and explicit photos while away on a trip, he arrived back…came into my room declaring that he really wanted to have sex with me.  A tiny bit of a turn off but I thought what the hell, I need a service!  He proceeded to take all his clothes off in a desperate rush – I didn’t know if I should feel flattered coz he was so excited or offended that he was only having sex with me coz he was so desperate! Anyway, it’s not like this is love is it?  Does it really matter?  So, we ‘assumed the position’, a little bit of foreplay – not much, he REALLY just wanted to have sex… at this point, I was starting to feel disappointed, thinking, what AM i doing?  He asked for protection…and began to slip it on… ok, we were ready, in 3, 2, 1….wha-?  What just happened?

Ladies and Gents, I am THAT good! Or he was THAT desperate… He hadn’t even touched me with his … member… and it was over! OMG! Shit! I thought I was disappointed when there was no foreplay…well this was a whole other level of disappointment!!!  He made a joke of it, as did I, claiming I was that good and have that effect on people… He cleaned up, apologised and left… Pretty sure he was embarrassed – I don’t blame him really!

Needless to say, I DID NOT see him again… He text me occasionally and talks about how he shouldn’t have been such a wimp coz we could have had amazing sex etc… I don’t say this to him, but, I seriously doubt it!

Post introduction

So, I started writing this afternoon and published my first post and then realised I hadn’t given any sort of introduction of myself and my reasons for writing this blog.  So, here goes…I’m a thirty-something year old (I’m not gonna give it all up straight away – hey! there’s a first time for everything!!!)  I am new at this whole thing and I have no idea if anyone is going to read this, but I am doing it for two reasons, well… three…Firstly, I was once told I should write a blog after some Facebook updates on a road trip.  Secondly, I have set myself an Australian challenge which you will read about later on – if you’re still with me!  and thirdly, I have a best friend who I have known since childhood who always wants updates on my life.  Every time I go and see her, she gets so confused as to which guy I’m seeing and which ones I like and don’t like and she jokingly asked me to write it all down… Well, F, here you go!  By the way, you aren’t the first person who said they needed it written down… I think someone asked for a spreadsheet?!!

I guess there is a fourth reason too – I want to write it for me, to get things down and try and figure out what the fuck I’m doing and to sort my head out!  So here I am…fingers crossed!

As I’ve been in a long relationship for almost half my life – I’m making up for my lost 20’s! One of my best friends once said to me,  ‘We’re in our 30s!  That’s our prime!’  So, here I am, in my prime!  I like to think I’m pretty normal, although I do tend to have this problem of a dirty mind – so in the blog if you find sexual innuendos – they are probably on purpose, although sometimes, I do it without even thinking, much to my friends’ amusement!  So yeah, pretty normal, however, have been through some tough times, as I’m sure most people have.  Been unsure of who I am, what I want and most importantly, what I deserve…

So…post break-up was a hard time… didn’t know who I was anymore, what I wanted, where I wanted to be and was lacking self-confidence and self-worth.  For some reason, I thought I would find some of the answers on a dating app! Not just any dating app, TINDER!!!! Now, we all know, that in the grand scheme of things, Tinder is not where you find love! Don’t get me wrong, I have met a few people who have found the love of their life on Tinder, however, mostly, it’s a hook up app, I think we will all agree! So, after the events which you will read about in my next post, I decided Tinder was the way forward to find that something that I was missing and looking for….by the way…so far… I’ve been wrong!  BUUUUUUT!  There is still hope!

Sure, it’s been fun along the way and I fully intend to keep going but with a new found sense of self worth and self confidence!  Otherwise, what would I write about?!  I hope you’ll stick with me as I divulge the world of Tinder and what it is to be 30-something year old singleton in a small town of couples!

It all started here…

After being in a relationship from my early twenties, at the age of 32 I became single again.  When I first ended the relationship, I was off men.  Not because I had been cheated on or treated badly (not intentionally or to my knowledge anyway), but because deciding to end my ridiculously long relationship, when I still loved the guy, was tough, scary and emotionally draining.  I wasn’t interested in any other guys because no one could live up to him.

How wrong I was!  When I had had time to process the break-up and slowly begin to move on and ‘find’ myself again – realise what I liked and who I was I also started to get my flirt on and show some interest in the opposite sex! Unfortunately, at the time, my job had taken me to a really small town where the male population was, hmmm, let’s say, sparse and undesirable!  I’m not even joking, the men that this town had to offer were either old, sleazy or morons, or even worse, all three!

To begin with, this wasn’t bad, as I had just started to want male attention again, however, as the months went on, I found myself craving male attention and that feeling of being wanted.

As a result of this, it all went down hill…and I mean literally…my standards completely dropped to base camp!

The first guy that showed me any interest was old and pretty sleazy and was also married! I toyed with him a little as it’s always fun to flirt and get some drinks at the bar…through him, I met more sleazy, old men.  Also married! And through talking to friends found out that this was their ‘thing’… chat up the young girls and draw them in with talks of fancy hotels and exciting excursions that they could take them on… I’m not sure what their end game was and if they ever got anything out of it but I played along!

So off I went, with three old men on a road trip – I know, I know, I would be judging me too but I was in a weird headspace, pretty desperate for attention and a sucker for 5 star! It actually wasn’t a bad night away…I was put in the presidential suite of an amazing lodge and fed excellent food for dinner and breakfast.  Conversation was good, drinks were good… It got a little awkward when the sleaziest of the three, standing so close to me I could see his oil droplets in his slicked back ‘i’m young and hip’ hairstyle, attempted to kiss me!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! He leaned into me with his wrinkled, old lips and slid his hand around my back.  I immediately pulled my head back, pushed his body away from mine, ‘I’m not comfortable with this’ and hastily ran out the room to the pool….

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful… needless to say, I was so relieved to be back in the safety of my own home with not a sleaze ball in sight!  Let’s not do that again! Let’s be a more confident, stable woman who only goes after what she really wants….Hopefully I’ll learn from this!

Turns out, I didn’t learn from this… as the weeks went on, I was really trying to be good and keep out of mischief…until the night when temptation reared its ugly head!