Oh my goodness… it has been over 2 months since I have written… yikes! So, we left off with a move to a small town…you are probably beginning to wonder when the Tinder stories kick in… well, this is it…this is where my Tinder life really started! (Oh, except for the time I tried it out when I was still with the boyfriend, just before we broke up!)
When I first arrived, friends of mine asked if they could set me up on dates. Given my last couple of experiences with men, I was more than willing, thinking it couldn’t get any worse. I expect you to think I am about to write ‘It could!’ However, I wouldn’t know… said friends never introduced me or set me up with any men! Sure, I met their friends who were all really nice… and married…with kids…! So, I had no other choice (yes, I was completely forced into it!) but to turn to Tinder.
I set up my profile using Facebook. For those of you who have been lucky enough to never have the pleasure of Tinder, this is how it works. Your account is linked to your Facebook and so you can use photos which are on there (so my first couple of photos were my last profile pictures). You then set your distance (Max is 160km) and choose if you would like to see men, women or both. You can adjust your age slider to choose the ages of people you would like to see, it goes from 18 up to 55+. So, once you have set it all up, people then come up on your screen and you can begin the shallow judging! Looking at peoples photos and occasionally reading their little blurb (if they have one), you can decide if you want to swipe right and ‘like’ them, swipe left and show you are ‘not interested’ or if you really like them you can swipe up to ‘Super Like’ them. Then the waiting game ensues, if someone you have ‘liked’ or ‘super liked’ likes you back, you match! And then the fun starts…
So, I set up MY account, 160km, between the age range of 30 and 45. There was a lot of swiping left and only a few swipes right. I say a lot, it wasn’t that many…I mean I was impressed that there were people on Tinder at all in such a small place, but it was still limited. Of the people I matched with, was a guy called Tyler. He was American, not here for long. We chatted for a bit and he seemed like an OK guy. At this point, I had never met up with anyone from Tinder and had only heard one success story… the rest? Horror stories!
Anyway, he asked if I was free that evening for a drink and I thought, fuck it, what’s the point of being on Tinder and chatting to people if I never meet up with them? So, I sent a friend a message to let her know where I was going. just in case! And off I went to meet Tyler. He was just finishing his dinner when I arrived. He ordered me a Gin & Tonic and we started chatting. The initial hello was a little bit awkward but we quickly skipped over it and got into interests, what we were both doing in a small place like this and it became less weird.
Now, although it wasn’t too awkward and he seemed like a nice guy, I still wasn’t sure about him. Firstly, my judgmental self noticed that he didn’t look as good in real-life as he did on his Tinder profile…and secondly, he seemed a bit full of himself! Anyway, we moved onto the terrace at the hotel he was staying at and continued with our conversation through the noise of a very loud British guy on a Skype or FaceTime call at a nearby table. He was clearly pissed. When he finished his call, he came over and asked if we minded if he joined us. Before we could even answer, he had sat down and ordered another glass of wine. Tyler and I exchanged looks that made me believe we were on the same page, we did not want this guy here. We put up with him a while longer and as I was almost finished my drink, I literally had two mouthfuls left, Tyler announced that he was going up to his room to bed! I couldn’t believe this guy was going to leave me on my own with this drunk guy! So, he left, I quickly finished my drink and headed out to my car.
A message… ‘I’m in room *** if you want to come for another drink’. I’m not stupid and naive, I know ‘another drink’ did not mean another drink and I know he didn’t deserve ‘another drink’ after behaving like such a douche and leaving me on my own when he could’ve waited for me to finish my drink! Even as I sit here and write this, I am thinking, why the hell did I go up there? And, I don’t know the answer… loneliness? Boredom? Horniness? Haha! Lack of self respect? I don’t know but for whatever reason… I went!
I went upstairs and knocked on his door, we chatted for a bit and then he made his move. Pulled me onto the bed and started to kiss me – well, at least I THINK that was what he was trying to do! There was tongue everywhere, it was sloppy and the most unsensual (is that even a word?) thing I have ever experienced! Ewwwwwwwww! It wasn’t all bad, his hands weren’t too useless – if you know what I mean!
After declining an invite to stay over, I said my goodbyes, adding that maybe we would see each other the next day or something (Funny enough, I didn’t see him again, I can’t imagine why!) I made my way back to the car with my tail between my legs! Surely it could only get better?